Friday, October 30, 2009

The Best Inappropriate Way to Spend Halloween

My daughter has some friends who plan to spend the night tomorrow driving through Greek Row by the nearby university and playing "Slut Bingo."

You know:

"Slutty nurse!"
"Slutty animal!"
"Slutty comic book character!"
"Slutty playboy bunny!"
"Slutty Disney character!"


This is inappropriate and sexist and shouldn't make me laugh. But it does.

I am a horrible person.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Squirrel Humor and Other Things That Made me Smile. Or go "Hmmm..."

(I'll get to the squirrel humor in a minute. The best things can't be rushed.)

First, though, I spotted this is from Readers' Digest's humor issue. It made me laugh out loud. (Because I have the maturity of a twelve-year-old boy.) It was in a section on the Bulwer-Lytton contest for the most intentionally bad opening paragraph. (Named for Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, oh he of "It was a dark and stormy night..." fame):

"As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the sound chamber, he would never hear the end of it."


Next, this isn't a joke. It's an actual news item. Remember Carrie Prejean? The former Miss California who feuded with Perez Hilton over gay rights? And who is now suing the Miss California pageant for violating her right to freedom of religion?

Apparently it goes both ways:

ORANGE COUNTY, Calif. — The organizers of the Miss California USA pageant sued former beauty queen Carrie Prejean Oct. 19 to get back the $5,200 they gave her in January for breast implants.

Even better? When I first read it in the Seattle Times, I misread the amount as $52,000. I was thinking that for that amount of money they'd have to be magical breast implants. Like, y'know, they allowed her to fly. Or had built-in invisibility cloak properties. Or something.

(Maybe even so magical they'd make this woman shut up, go away, and realize that her fifteen minutes of fame are long over.)

Oops, sorry. Too snarky? To fix that, I'll close with my squirrel theme, with a couple of posts taken from that great website My Life is Average:

Today, I was walking home from class when I saw a squirrel bury an acorn and cover it up with dirt. Then the squirrel started picking up leaves, examining them, and tossing them aside. He finally set one down on top of the dirt mound. I walked over and saw that it was the absolute perfect autumn leaf. Animals can have OCD too, apparently. MLIA


My Biology teacher always uses squirrels as examples. Today we were going over ecosystems, so he asked "What do squirrels need to reproduce?" One guy in the front, without thinking, responded with "Nuts." The class cracked up. MLIA

Like I said, I am SO immature.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

So What Do You Write About When Nothing's Happening?

Forgive my long silence. It's just that nothing is happening in my life. And this is probably a good thing.

My son's back at school, and he's got a cute little bit of peach fuzz on his head, his hair growing back at last. My beloved Seattle Sounders have made the playoffs. And I've started another ESL class.

I walked into the first class a few weeks ago to see three of my favorites students from last year in the next class level up. (They are all Asian and over 65 and moved here to be with their tech-employed kids. I love them to pieces. They tell me they miss me as a teacher, which makes me feel all kinds of good.) The other three students from the class aren't anywhere in our group of classes, which means they've tested out of our non-profit agency and will now need community college classes. Which kind of makes me feel good, (I taught them! they learned!) but is still a tiny bit bittersweet.

My new class is slowly bonding and connecting. As always, I am amazed by their guts, by the fact that they came here knowing nothing and just leapt into a new life. I think about how exhausted I was after ten days in France a couple of years ago, even after five years of studying the language. The differences in everything from language to culture to food... (Remember when I assumed that "marinated salmon" meant it had actually been cooked?) By the tenth day, after a long train trip with surly French people, I was so thrilled to find an Americanized hotel by the airport (a bathtub! a blow dryer! cable TV!) that I wanted to a) curl up in my americanized bed and never leave, and b) cry from joy.

And yet these people throw themselves into life here amongst so many people who wish they'd never come, and they keep getting up and going back for more, day after day. They amaze me.

I love teaching ESL. Have I mentioned that before? It hits so many of my hot buttons, from my language nerdism (it is such joy to explain things like pronunciation and syntax) to my love of foreign language to my lefty liberal "everyone who works hard deserves a chance"-ism.

And every Wednesday I say a little prayer that the class will go well and I'll be able to teach in a way that helps my students learn. Oddly, the days I forget the prayer are the days things don't go well. And this is something I don't realize until the next week, when it's time to say the prayer.

God, (my own personal lefty, liberal, I-love-everybody God) is here in these classes. I feel him. I'm sure of it.

And did I just say, up above, that nothing is going on in my life?

I guess I lied, huh?

Thursday, October 08, 2009

You Will Love This

I thought this was one of the sweetest videos I've seen in a long time.

(My family just saw "Wicked" a couple of weeks ago, which makes it even sweeter.)

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

The Great Avocado Dilemma

So let's say you have two avocados. One is absolutely, perfectly ripe. The other is just slightly past its best. Both are still edible, but only one will have that perfect rich taste and smooth texture. Here's the dilemma:

If you eat the overripe one, you can live to have avocado another day. But by then, of course, that one will be overripe too. Two times the avocado, but no perfection. But if you eat the perfect one, the overripe one will probably go to waste.

Given the price of avocados, I usually eat the overripe one. Today, though? Today I ate the perfect one.

And it was worth it.

Thursday, October 01, 2009

I Am So Confused

This blog just got a hit from somebody googling the following phrase:

"Pantyhose and testicular cancer"

I am so confused.